Friday, September 12, 2014

Do not Covet

There was this time in Highschool where there was this girl. I didn't paticularly enjoy her company among other things. And I'll just say she had bad acne. She had it on her face, back, get the point. I remmeber gossipping to someone about the acne. That it was...ahem..."Gross and how I am glad I did not have that".
   Yes, being 30 now...heck even a few days afterward I felt bad about the judgy comment (its true genes have chubby and easy addictions but we dont' have really bad acne) But especially now being 30 and oh so much more reflective I don't' feel guilty but I still find it embarassing.
   Well, Heaven Knows how to teach me lessons because I swear to you just week afterwards I got fatty zits on my chest. Not like a forest of them but enough that I got the point!

   Since then I am still learning by experience and remind myself each time I get all preachy and judgy that it will happen to me. No matter what holy water I fling around the room or incense I burn. IF I judge I too will be judge or get the same fate.

    I wish to some extent this would happen to things you covet. I love fashion magazines. I love fashion, I love colors, I love make up, I love home decor. All things which are pretty much exterior.
   Now, I know better than to think my life is established on morals I see presented in magazines. I do not beileve my body should look like the body I see in  a magazine. I don't think my body should look any better than how I take care of it and how I am naturally shaped but sometimes I covet the ease of wearing certain styles.
     I started enjoying running (when I ran...ahem clarification: quickly walked with hobbit length legs out of breath). The part I hated about it wasnt' being winded, it was how putting on my sports bra was a two man effort. If I wanted those mothers to stay put they were squished down enough to touch my neck and the 5 hook masterpiece took a bit of effort to buckle. My husband has much  stronger fingers I think now because of this.
     I also, am curious about how someone so top heavy-as myself-has such little feet. Giving someone with short legs a large bust and tiny feet seems mean to scream "Be a full time homemaker not an athlete". I do not think my body was made for athleticism.
   If I was a cave person I would be the grandma stirring the porridge pot all day-or kicked out because I suck at being a nurse maid. That would have never happened. The nursemaid part didn't even work our for my own kids.
    Its kind of like how little men drive large monster trucks. Like someone is compensating for something? That is what it is like for me when I have a baby. Its all for show.
    There are a lot of things I covet. One, long strong legs of a person, Someone who thrives on a clean house but isn't a mental mess about it but it is highly motivated by extreme order, A person who exudes love-the person who-I know (because I am magic) will befriend even the squirreliest trolls and who never resents what they have been given. And yes, sometimes I do covet the length of the model in the magazine's body. Dont get me wrong. Being short has some advantages: I never worry about doorways, clearing light fixtures, my pants being too was easier to find a man taller than me. But considering I have the body of an Italian grandma I tip toe to reach just about everything in my cupboards...(and I don't even have nice calves to prove it!)....I should be a lot better cook. Because I am pretty sure all Italian Grandmas are great cooks.

       So it seems Karma is more of if you judge someone watch out and if you covet something it just makes you unhappy. I am continually learning how to admire people more rather than wish I had what they had-if it be a soul type trait not an outside one. And after weaning off medications and gaining upwards of 20 lbs I have a lot more sympathy for others who have a hard time staying at a comfortable  and healthy BMI weight.

          I am definitely looking forward to the treadmill that is coming sometime in the next week! With winter getting closer and summer staying in San Diego (BOOHOOOHoo). I definitely will be using my hamster trail downstairs with my "Special" light (i.e. uv light for winter). And despite my past experience, I am trying extra hard this time around to be more cautious about the food choices I make. Because even if weaning off means I will gain weight (which I already have) it would be nice if it jiggled just a little less.

      I am grateful to have a body. A functioning body. I have my issues just like lots of people and I don't enjoy the swollenness I get on my right side but....I am capable of a lot (more with my special little compression sock). No teeth have fallen out, I have at least 5 eye lashes to put mascara on, and I don't have black arm hair. is good.

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