Being a wife

I have friends who plan on never  marrying. Maybe having kids even isnt' in their forte or have told me that maybe a forever engagement, maybe a kid but not being married.

Its a soapbox I have. Its hard not to have when in so many ways it is my ideal, the life I chose and the one that brings me supreme joy (although at times its ugly, challenging and stink eye level). It is never lost or broken but marriages go through ups and down, challenges.

And in my experience it does give you an opportunity to become closer, to relearn how to forgive, to relearn how to be patient, to let someone else change (or yourself) because I am in it forever with this man no if's and or buts.

Cathi Haunauer wrote an article in "REAL SIMPLE" magazine july 2012 that I love. I love the magazine and many of its articles but this one was especially true to me and pricked my heart. My favorite is her last line

"I remind myself tha tbeing part of a team doesn't mean I'm Lazy or can't do it myself. It just means that, right now, I'm lucky enough to not have to".

So being a wife, being a homemaker, being religious. I have been told or said to  "OH, you GET to stay at home"

Or

"You do what your husband tells you to do, I would never do that"

"I could never be at home, I would go crazy, too boring"

or told by a family member "YOu have anymore kids someone else is going to have to get a job!" (meaning me who is a homemaker)

All interesting and shortsighted statements (probably like when I was barely pregnant for the second time and decided I needed a change and cut my hair into a pixie-with the help of a professional of course-and my blooming body couldn't keep balance with my ever shrinking head)

Its hard not to have a soapbox when so many of other people's ideals, beliefs are not my own. And sometimes I have second guessed myself and my roles in my partnership
"Gosh maybe I should take out the trash, move dead animals, fix sinks".  but like Cathi said. right now I am lucky enough to not to have to.

I honestly believe 99 percent of women who have a partner who can support it (even if that means no cable, fancy cell phones, fancy clothes etc) can be Joyful homemakers full time. It is the best job in the world. But that doesn't mean it doesn't take pulling from the deepest part of yourself when you feel there is no deeper you can pull from. It doesn't mean that at times you think you "wasted" your education by not practicing in your field. It means you will have exchanged it for a period of time which is relatively short. The time when you are raising your kids in your home and being the number one caretaker for them.

It doesn't mean you get to have the cleanest house, the cleanest kids, the most toned body, the healthiest dinners everyday of the year (I mean maybe it will for someone but I have yet to meet a perfect anybody).

And as a wife I have certain jobs that I do and there are some jobs that my husband does with mingling in between. Just because someone wants something of you, expects something of you doesn't mean its bad if you fulfill those needs or expectations. Its part of a relationship where you aren't the only benefactor (kids take longer to become any kind of equal partner but really thats why they are children.....its our job as parents to take care of them).

And as a wife and mother, I have changed. I mean not just dramatically physically (you won't see me sporting little 7 for all mankind jeans anymore or Victoria secret bras) I most likely won't have straightened rootless hair or for that matter have stlyed hair except may be twice a week but my life is full of more potently awesome wonderful. The kind that doesn't age. I miss my old self sometimes (ok I miss that taut barely 20 body a lot) but I much prefer my new messier self with hanging skin. At least on the inside.

I am grateful to be a wife and mother and a homemaker. That as a wife I will know how to serve and help my partner and husband. Because he is important to me.

Mortality and being a Mom

A couple of weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine was expected to pass away "any minute".

Of course it came as shock to me and it is heartbreaking.

In the simplest terms it was depressing and scary.

I called my mom who (unfortunately) has had a few friends pass away young. And I asked "How do you even cope with it" and tearfully she explained how she still missed them and that it was weird when someone your age dies.

It is hard to write about it and my heart has been full of many things. Mostly that I try not to think about it because honestly I don't want to be crying all the time and my friend is still with her family. She hasn't passed.

I felt like I wanted to do something to be apart of something to help her family but I realize with what is going on I can't really except to pray.

I am finding as I get older (not yet 30 but still) that mortality is just that. Mortality. There will be an end to this part of the journey and you can't always know when it will be.

My friend has children living at home grade school even. And I am reminded about how deeply I love my children and how I am in a place where I have the opportunity to be with them, listen to their whining, helping my 3 year old clean up the pee that didn't' make to the toilet.

I never thought parenting would be easy (even though I couldn't quite understand how challenging) but I never expected to feel at times so threadbare doing it.

I have had the blessing of being around people who have challenges, even really staggering life altering ones and although I only see or feel a glimpse of it I am continually humbled about how much Heavenly Father is cognizant of us and our families and about how much he cares. I know this because I have felt it in my heart and know that it is true.

Life is a beautiful gift and it is harrowing at times but I am grateful for the gentle reminder to take advantage of the time that I do have for things that are nurturing for my family and myself. The things that really matter and to let go of many (many many many) smaller things that shouldn't be shadowing the more important.

I am grateful for my life and for being able to have the two children I have-not everyone gets that opportunity.

So as I start out another week (crossing my fingers that this week will be easier at my house) No matter what I will be thankful to still have time with my kids. Being a mom in Mortality is my favorite blessing