Mostly vanity

You know what? After this 3rd baby I have made a special effort to put myself together every morning.

People said to me right after having him-you look great! All dressed for the day!

My response "Because I do not want to pass the mirror and feel like the crypt keeper!"

I am pretty honest about being vain. If you want to wear birkenstocks with cracked dry heels and no bra and that makes you happy then fine.

For me. I have been using antiwrinkle cream since I was 20.

Yes, for vanity reasons! Why else would someone do it.

I have the feeling that I am going to be the obese older lady who gets a facelift to look younger. I am not going to have a raw avacado for breakfast  and eat all fresh everyday to help stay looking healthy and younger...I'll take the knife thank you and the norco I am pretty sure they would prescribe.

Because I am  bit more of a lazy vain.

So sometimes I want to make a list of advice for new moms or even moms who have just had a baby

"if it is a chore and you don't want to do it...don't do it"

"if you are feeling yucky try wearing blush. Just blush. If you aren't a makeup person just try it. It does make a difference. Not bronzer...I repeat not bronzer but blush"

"Make sure to shower everyday. Cleaning your person and shaving (if you are into that-I have recently discovered not everyone is) makes you feel human. We do not have cat tongues,"

I would much rather spend time getting myself ready for the day than cleaning up my house

This is the kitchen on a good day.

To all the adults who keep things clean. You are welcome. 

Its like when I watch hoarders. It makes me want to clean something

Blessings of partial Inclusion

His first date night with his dad :) 2009

I only have my experience in working with the public school education system. In my specific area. 

When I googled time out room I got lots of horrific stories of it being misused. children locked in there for hours, anxiety attacks, hospital transfers. 

Not all school districts I know use a time out room. 

Someone once lamented to me about whether or not it was fair that a child with severe disability who would most definitely not be apart of society in a social way in a worklplace adult environment-should have  a one on one nurse, a one on one aide etc. 

When did it become our societies responsibility to pay for all of these things? they said

It costs so much money and schools already don't have enough. they said

I was not dumbfounded hearing this.

Since my childhood I had overheard differing views of the no child left behind act. 

My response was 

"I am grateful for it. As a society we should be compassionate and loving to individuals whatever their disability. Those parents with children-especially with children-who have 24/7 needs-they deserve to have their children also looked after while at school."

It feels a little like if you don't fit this mold and you only need this much then the school system should not be for you or your child. And that is not only-in my opinion-un christlike-but misses the opportunity for love. 

The parents of kids with special needs-I have met- have been more than willing to go above and beyond for their child. They try to make whatever they can work. 

Not everyone is blessed with the financial means to provide certain care for their children-even when they do make very large sacrifices. 

I am grateful-even if it is very very flawed still-that there is recognition of the worth and of the different challenges  our kids have. 

That schools-in my experience-have been working on being more accommodating. 

One of my blessings is a small group classroom that my child can learn in. 

I realized a year ago after feeling like for so long I was battling uphill for so so so long that I needed to continue to push to find my village. 

That I could not build and help my child just between my husband and I.

I am the foundation for my child and I still help architect for him to help him be the most successful he can be but I need help putting up drywall. 

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

 But really, it takes a loving, caring, educated, compassionate and hard working village to raise a child. 

Which most often involves (as a parent) hand picking who gets to be in it. 

I am in no rush to mainstream my child. 

The most important part for me is not the validation from educators that my child is worth it and belongs in a large class (it will piss me off if  I get that from them, however..) 

but that my child learn in an environment that they can be supported and taught. 

I know my child has been/would be overwhelmed in a large group setting. 

My child is aware enough socially to know when they are the only one with a special behavior chart, that they need to be escorted and have an aide. 

They have struggled to make friends, keep friends, they feel different and unconfident.

I want to teach my child independence and those skills for independence as they are capable of having them. Not limited to black and white grade level curriculum goals. 

Even the Federal government has stated education is social, emotional along with academic

I have been in school and I know the ostracizing affect being in resource can have socially on a child-especially in middle school. 

I am not looking for, or to avoid all uncomfortable or growing situations for my child

but when there IS an option available for partial inclusion 

I will do the Obama fist bump.

I am hoping to teach and nurture each of my children how to function in society. Not to make them pretend to be who they aren't but now to cope with what there is.

Because this means-for me-that my child has gained the skills needed to feel confident and successful with a larger group of peers.

And that is a huge HUZZAH as a parent

The importance of connection

I always dreamed of having children. I had a dream of living on the beach, going out to the sand and playing with my children in the California sunshine for their growing ups. 

I figured out pretty early on that a lot of my motivation comes from having fun and spending time together. 

Wanting to spend time with someone who does not always have the tools and means to give back can be exhausting and feel hurtful because...well we aren't Jesus and perfect. 

In our family we started date nights. It first started out as a way to get my husband and our oldest out of my hair and out of the house so I could have some quiet time

but as we added to our family with a second and now a third having that one on one time with your children-has been a game changer. 

I like my people better when the regular demands of life and parenting are put on a burner and our main goal when we go out is to enjoy eachother. 

It is hard to bond with someone when either you or they don't have anymore to give, or just aren't equipped the same way to give how you might personally need it. 

My child does need time. Lots of time. Each of my children needs lots of time. 

And I had to learn how to separate (and still learning how to) the difference between the emotional and mental time it takes during the day, weekends, summers, vacations to care for them and anticipate their behaviors and the actual bonding time that we have. 

Because they are two separate things. 

For us a Sushi night is the best kind of night. 

It involves usually playing math games and listening to what they are thinking about even if it means waiting long pauses before the full story comes out. I am learning better with my a.d.d brain not to interrupt or assume a sentence is over. 

Our last date I made a point of dressing up for our date, lipstick, heels etc. 

And on arriving at the restaraunt my child proudly told at least 3 people

"We are on a date!!"

And it made my heart so so so happy. To see them not just excited but also chatting up the waitress and appropriately responding to questions asked. 

Its these nights that I most remember why I fell in love with this person I brought to this world on purpose. And how grateful I am and lucky to have such wonderful people in my home.

Even if sometimes they still smear poop on things.