Thursday, October 1, 2015

The importance of connection

I always dreamed of having children. I had a dream of living on the beach, going out to the sand and playing with my children in the California sunshine for their growing ups. 

I figured out pretty early on that a lot of my motivation comes from having fun and spending time together. 

Wanting to spend time with someone who does not always have the tools and means to give back can be exhausting and feel hurtful because...well we aren't Jesus and perfect. 

In our family we started date nights. It first started out as a way to get my husband and our oldest out of my hair and out of the house so I could have some quiet time

but as we added to our family with a second and now a third having that one on one time with your children-has been a game changer. 

I like my people better when the regular demands of life and parenting are put on a burner and our main goal when we go out is to enjoy eachother. 

It is hard to bond with someone when either you or they don't have anymore to give, or just aren't equipped the same way to give how you might personally need it. 

My child does need time. Lots of time. Each of my children needs lots of time. 

And I had to learn how to separate (and still learning how to) the difference between the emotional and mental time it takes during the day, weekends, summers, vacations to care for them and anticipate their behaviors and the actual bonding time that we have. 

Because they are two separate things. 

For us a Sushi night is the best kind of night. 

It involves usually playing math games and listening to what they are thinking about even if it means waiting long pauses before the full story comes out. I am learning better with my a.d.d brain not to interrupt or assume a sentence is over. 

Our last date I made a point of dressing up for our date, lipstick, heels etc. 

And on arriving at the restaraunt my child proudly told at least 3 people

"We are on a date!!"

And it made my heart so so so happy. To see them not just excited but also chatting up the waitress and appropriately responding to questions asked. 

Its these nights that I most remember why I fell in love with this person I brought to this world on purpose. And how grateful I am and lucky to have such wonderful people in my home.

Even if sometimes they still smear poop on things.

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