Sunday, February 3, 2013

Oh dear Panda!

I have two kids. My youngest is nearly 4 and I have yet to "lose" my baby fat? I would like to say its not my fault but I rarely turn down a treat or a chance to watch a great movie (or lets be honest subpar  movie) to workout. I haven't been willing to wake up at 5am to sweat out my treats yet.

I sometimes think that if I lived in the Pioneer days. I wouldn't mind being chubby. And yes I am chubby. Being at my post 2 week baby weight with my second is chubby ( I am only 5'4 people). They didn't  brush their teeth, they wore long dresses, mostly likely didn't  shave or wax, they just lived without all the primping (or longevity, or teeth but I digress)

But there is a small motivation for me to go to the gym now. The Gym has cable and I do not.

Its like dangling a donut in front of a mother of two.

Heck yes, I'll sweat and strain on the elliptical to watch TLC, and HGTV and I'll even go 5 minutes longer to see what House they or are going to buy or rent or if the house gets finished in time with its remodel.

Well, on an usually sobering day I decided to watch the animal planet. Not usually my thing I much prefer the   people to the animals but I went at a different time and I didn't think I could handle watching another baby born and keep myself from crying (as I always think I will). And the animal subject of that day was Pandas.

Big ol fuzzy pandas.

Let me tell you something I love animals but oh honey do those zookeepers looove pandas.

So the story is this. Two pandas are taken from China, flown to the United states in hopes that they will be maters (not like in Cars but like as in mating)

The zookeepers are beyond thrilled and my hesitation begins when the first zookeepers gets so excited that the male is in heat. So they watch non stop on cameras as he tries to get to it and they say frustrated

"She just won't stay in the right position!"

This all gets very technical and they need to know when the Panda is in heat, why isn't  she letting him mate with her etc.
They have a team that watches and takes notes 24/7 to see if they actually offically mate.

Apparently no luck.

So both bears are put to sleep. They take the male and get his stuff and then take the female into the OR for Insemination.

At this point I look around "IS anyone else watching this? Is this real?"

I am feeling a little uncomfortable about the excitement surrounding this event. But I can't seem to turn the channel. Is this really real?

That lady bear is sprawled on her back dead to the world from anesthesia and she is covered on her lower half by a blue tarp except for a round spot which is blurred by the camera. Legs and paws splayed out

The procedure is over and the Dr excitedly exclaims "Beautiful! Beautiful!"

I felt like it was on the level of Dr. Frankenstein exclaiming "Its alive its alive!"

Oh mother. I love animals but apparently I don't LOVE animals. You keep the panda bears lady business to yourself thank you. And I am going to stick with my people television.

At least on that respect watching a chubby panda with no neck does not make me feel fat in the least and I am grateful that my job isn't to explain to that panda what  immaculate conception is in 3 months when she births her baby

PANDA: "But I never signed up for this....what??? WITH THAT GUY???!!!" she's going to be super pissed.


  1. "She's going to be super pissed..." hahahahaha

  2. ha ha ha! love this post! wish we lived closer and could be gym buddies together.