Friday, February 22, 2013
On the job training
So I've not been a career mom for that long.
Being a mom is a lot of on the job training. Take all the psychology classes, read all the child books and still you will come to situations where you are like "Wuhh?"
Yes, that is how it is spelled, calm down.
I am awe and jealousy of so many moms I love and know.
That mom who is like "ya I had a salad for lunch, Gosh I forgot to eat breakfast and we are having hummus for dinner"
Not because it seems she should be eating more its because I think "How does she forget to eat?????" I dont' know how that is possible, don't you get moody? I think about food all day. Sometimes when my husband is travelling for work I buy special treats that I look forward to everyday. The eating kind that is.
The mom whose kids are all put together with hair in ponytails or gelled with matching shoes. Or all the kids are color coordinated for church.
Not because I think it makes them a perfect family but because I think "Geez, maybe I don't have enough staying power to not let my kids pick out their clothes" I mean ya, I have some rules. "No babe you can't wear your bathing suit, and your brothers sweat pants and my bra.....no, its too hot outside-you are going to get all sweaty".
Or the mom who just pops out babies. Like seriously, timed, consistent has a baby every two years or less and is "thinner and fitter after 5 months than she was before having any of her kids". It seems so simple and I guess in some ways it is. Just not for me.
Phew. There is a lot out there I admire and at times feel hindered in my capabilities when over analyzing their capabilities.
But I had a wonderful thing said to me.
When picking up my son from this AMAZINGLY themed birthday party, superhero, I mean like for real, everything was themed and set up and all worked out with the beautiful cake I was just in awe and another mom (after me sharing my incapability for such awesomeness) said "EH, its not your special talent you have other stuff".
And I thought "Aha!" I liked that.
Its like you know things like that but sometimes it takes someone to just say it simply for it to click.
Everyone has their special mom talents.
Messes don't really bother me. I have paint stained carpet, marker colored walls (which by the way have not been coming off with magic eraser).
I let my kids "win" there is a lot of really important things in life, in teaching kids, but really some of them shouldn't be a battle. Sometimes you should have a cupcake before breakfast.
in comparison to some of the other mommies out there who might possibly be better at this career path than I am my special talents are phlamy but God has blessed me to have them and I think as a mom the best I (we) could do is to pray to do better than we thought we could.
I love parenting books, some better than others. Some contradict what another says but I like getting information about just about anything and finding if it can help anything in my life. To me its on the job training.
I know that along with prayer and my personal meditation, reflection and maybe taking some of those other mommies talents and seeing if they might implement in my life (forgetting to eat wont' be one of them) without much hardship then it is is good thing.
I never thought I would be jealous of another mom's ability to throw a mean birthday or color coordinate her kids and have them wear what she picked out but-like I said-I have a lot more training to do
Being a mom is a lot of on the job training. Take all the psychology classes, read all the child books and still you will come to situations where you are like "Wuhh?"
Yes, that is how it is spelled, calm down.
I am awe and jealousy of so many moms I love and know.
That mom who is like "ya I had a salad for lunch, Gosh I forgot to eat breakfast and we are having hummus for dinner"
Not because it seems she should be eating more its because I think "How does she forget to eat?????" I dont' know how that is possible, don't you get moody? I think about food all day. Sometimes when my husband is travelling for work I buy special treats that I look forward to everyday. The eating kind that is.
The mom whose kids are all put together with hair in ponytails or gelled with matching shoes. Or all the kids are color coordinated for church.
Not because I think it makes them a perfect family but because I think "Geez, maybe I don't have enough staying power to not let my kids pick out their clothes" I mean ya, I have some rules. "No babe you can't wear your bathing suit, and your brothers sweat pants and my bra.....no, its too hot outside-you are going to get all sweaty".
Or the mom who just pops out babies. Like seriously, timed, consistent has a baby every two years or less and is "thinner and fitter after 5 months than she was before having any of her kids". It seems so simple and I guess in some ways it is. Just not for me.
Phew. There is a lot out there I admire and at times feel hindered in my capabilities when over analyzing their capabilities.
But I had a wonderful thing said to me.
When picking up my son from this AMAZINGLY themed birthday party, superhero, I mean like for real, everything was themed and set up and all worked out with the beautiful cake I was just in awe and another mom (after me sharing my incapability for such awesomeness) said "EH, its not your special talent you have other stuff".
And I thought "Aha!" I liked that.
Its like you know things like that but sometimes it takes someone to just say it simply for it to click.
Everyone has their special mom talents.
Messes don't really bother me. I have paint stained carpet, marker colored walls (which by the way have not been coming off with magic eraser).
I let my kids "win" there is a lot of really important things in life, in teaching kids, but really some of them shouldn't be a battle. Sometimes you should have a cupcake before breakfast.
in comparison to some of the other mommies out there who might possibly be better at this career path than I am my special talents are phlamy but God has blessed me to have them and I think as a mom the best I (we) could do is to pray to do better than we thought we could.
I love parenting books, some better than others. Some contradict what another says but I like getting information about just about anything and finding if it can help anything in my life. To me its on the job training.
I know that along with prayer and my personal meditation, reflection and maybe taking some of those other mommies talents and seeing if they might implement in my life (forgetting to eat wont' be one of them) without much hardship then it is is good thing.
I never thought I would be jealous of another mom's ability to throw a mean birthday or color coordinate her kids and have them wear what she picked out but-like I said-I have a lot more training to do
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
A word about depression....maybe a novel actually
Depression. I haven't talked frankly about this in a long time.
Firstly, let me say it is very important to have a professional opinion about Depression.
Secondly, my advice (which obviously is not professional) is if you decide that you want prescription help is to talk with a psychiatrist and not a family practioiner or obgyn. I believe they will have a better knowledge of what is available for you and how to help-with you-to decide what to try.
Also, my advice on therapy is the pick one who teaches great coping tools. It is awesome to have someone to cry to and who will listen but at the same time you will be in time able to learn tools to help manage (beyond medication) depression.
In short. The First time I felt really depressed was in 2006. And after quite a few big life changes-in 2010 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and treated medicinally.
I sought out help from a therapist first to avoid medication and then ultimately medication with a psychiatrist.
I didn't feel depressed that whole span of 2006 to 2010 but it wasn't until 2010 that I reached a low point one night that it scared me.
It literally felt like my soul hurt and I couldn't imagine it ever going away. That was the darkest scariest time in my life.
I am not a really grouchy person. I am naturally a fun loving, quirky, sassy and at times prissy gal.
I remember seeing an advertisement for depression that said "Depression hurts" and I thought "That is so true!"
I don't like the term mentally ill either. Or using of the terms Mental Health. I don't have a great alternative for it but I think it has such a negative connotation.
I was on a prescription for depression for about 18 months and a little over a year ago I weaned off. What might be described as "successfully".
I know people who I love, admire and respect who do not plan on ever weaning of a medication. It has become and needfully so their daily routine.
Its easy to say to someone "If you had a bacterial infection you wouldn't refuse an antibiotic would you?" in describing why they should take an antidepressant but really. A bacterial infection isn't something that is kind of looked down upon.
I have not had a relapse or felt the need for medication since being off but I have become extra aware of myself.
For instance around lady business times of the month I don't sleep well and I get extra moody. So I have a regimen of diet that I try to keep.
Also, I've come to peace about talking about it with other people even with those who disagree or don't understand it. Like the person who might say-even though they love you-"well if you are depressed get up and do something, go work out, get over it". Its not that simple.
I read scriptures which bring me spiritual strength. Everyone finds their center. Where they feel peaceful. Find what brings you peace. And do that everyday.
Do an act of kindness. Some of the best and worst advice I got all growing up and still to this day when I'm complaining is "Sounds like you are thinking too much about yourself go and do something for someone else". Now if you are a homemaker, this doesn't mean making dinner for your family (unless you don't do it already) its something beyond your normal tasks of service*.
If you have a partner, significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, parent etc who does not understand or is not sympathetic toward your plight in depression. Don't be dismayed (yes that is an order!) As frustrating as it is to not feel validated by some of the people we love the most don't shortchange yourself. Ideally you can get support from everyone you loved but its okay if you can't, I don't think most people can. Find a support group online or call a mental health hotline or suicide hotline (I called twice and they were very nice and informative).
I believe that Depression is something that might always come and go in my life. I might be more prone to it (especially looking back at the gene pool) Life circumstances change etc.
I am grateful for a psychiatrist who held me accountable for things that I could change. It is not a good idea when you see a therapist who insists the other person changes to help you. It is not empowering.
This is a helpful website http://www.suicideispreventable.org
* I would like to note that service can be a great way to make new friends which may lead to an opportunity to strengthen support through a close friendship. However, I have come to realize that there should be a two way street when it comes to serving. When you are continually serving someone else without reciprocating from them its not a supporting relationship. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep reaching out to them but make sure you have ample support and time to nurture relationships that are supportive to you.
Firstly, let me say it is very important to have a professional opinion about Depression.
Secondly, my advice (which obviously is not professional) is if you decide that you want prescription help is to talk with a psychiatrist and not a family practioiner or obgyn. I believe they will have a better knowledge of what is available for you and how to help-with you-to decide what to try.
Also, my advice on therapy is the pick one who teaches great coping tools. It is awesome to have someone to cry to and who will listen but at the same time you will be in time able to learn tools to help manage (beyond medication) depression.
In short. The First time I felt really depressed was in 2006. And after quite a few big life changes-in 2010 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and treated medicinally.
I sought out help from a therapist first to avoid medication and then ultimately medication with a psychiatrist.
I didn't feel depressed that whole span of 2006 to 2010 but it wasn't until 2010 that I reached a low point one night that it scared me.
It literally felt like my soul hurt and I couldn't imagine it ever going away. That was the darkest scariest time in my life.
I am not a really grouchy person. I am naturally a fun loving, quirky, sassy and at times prissy gal.
I remember seeing an advertisement for depression that said "Depression hurts" and I thought "That is so true!"
I don't like the term mentally ill either. Or using of the terms Mental Health. I don't have a great alternative for it but I think it has such a negative connotation.
I was on a prescription for depression for about 18 months and a little over a year ago I weaned off. What might be described as "successfully".
I know people who I love, admire and respect who do not plan on ever weaning of a medication. It has become and needfully so their daily routine.
Its easy to say to someone "If you had a bacterial infection you wouldn't refuse an antibiotic would you?" in describing why they should take an antidepressant but really. A bacterial infection isn't something that is kind of looked down upon.
I have not had a relapse or felt the need for medication since being off but I have become extra aware of myself.
For instance around lady business times of the month I don't sleep well and I get extra moody. So I have a regimen of diet that I try to keep.
Also, I've come to peace about talking about it with other people even with those who disagree or don't understand it. Like the person who might say-even though they love you-"well if you are depressed get up and do something, go work out, get over it". Its not that simple.
I read scriptures which bring me spiritual strength. Everyone finds their center. Where they feel peaceful. Find what brings you peace. And do that everyday.
Do an act of kindness. Some of the best and worst advice I got all growing up and still to this day when I'm complaining is "Sounds like you are thinking too much about yourself go and do something for someone else". Now if you are a homemaker, this doesn't mean making dinner for your family (unless you don't do it already) its something beyond your normal tasks of service*.
If you have a partner, significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, parent etc who does not understand or is not sympathetic toward your plight in depression. Don't be dismayed (yes that is an order!) As frustrating as it is to not feel validated by some of the people we love the most don't shortchange yourself. Ideally you can get support from everyone you loved but its okay if you can't, I don't think most people can. Find a support group online or call a mental health hotline or suicide hotline (I called twice and they were very nice and informative).
I believe that Depression is something that might always come and go in my life. I might be more prone to it (especially looking back at the gene pool) Life circumstances change etc.
I am grateful for a psychiatrist who held me accountable for things that I could change. It is not a good idea when you see a therapist who insists the other person changes to help you. It is not empowering.
This is a helpful website http://www.suicideispreventable.org
* I would like to note that service can be a great way to make new friends which may lead to an opportunity to strengthen support through a close friendship. However, I have come to realize that there should be a two way street when it comes to serving. When you are continually serving someone else without reciprocating from them its not a supporting relationship. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep reaching out to them but make sure you have ample support and time to nurture relationships that are supportive to you.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Wuuut?
When did THAT happen!!?
I had to make a major clarification the other day. Have you ever heard of the pull and lift? I learned this from my very posh grandmother when my older sister got her first bra.
I was a late bloomer so it wasn't until I was about 14 that I needed anything other than a sporstbra and then it was all downhill (literally) after having kids.
I tried a shirt on that I had just bought to show Mermis (husband) and after blink and short scrutiny he said "I think it will fit better when you have a bra on"
Who knew.
I felt the same way when trying on a pair of pants. Except with the pants it was like....It might fit better if I wear spanx.
Thats Cool, I'll stick with my trendy yoga pants and elastic thank you very much.
My kids didn't breastfeed long. I was not a milk producer for much more than 4 months and I have no regrets about it.
Before Kids not wearing a bra wasn't something I did regularly but I didn't NEED a bra. They knew where they were supposed to be and they stayed there.
Oh honey has age and elasticity changed. Now I understand the pull and lift.
Someone I have always loved and looked up to in so many ways asked me the other day when this topic came candidly up "Do you still buy 60 dollar bras?" And I was like Yes!
I have a small rib cage (like size 30-32)** and Heaven knows I don't want anything falling underneath while I am reaching the top shelf at target the get the size of diapers I need.
My kids are way to observant and as I tell my 5 year old when he tries to come in when I am getting dressed "Stay out its personal space while mom gets ready"
and then the inevitable
"Why"
"Because I don't want you to remember any of this....and you will thank me for that one day"
I am not embarrassed of being a woman. Actually I am quite grateful to be a woman. I would not ever want a hairy butt or ear hair or long nostril hair or have to pee in front of people in a urinal. Nope I am content and happy being a woman.
That being said I am learning as I get older that I am a bit more vain than I thought I was say when I was 20 years old.
And also to remember to try on shirts with your bra on.
**If you are any kind of double cup I recomend these brands
Freya-great fit and shape
Natori-although the band runs bigger and tend to stretch out more
Nordstrom carries them as does http://www.barenecessities.com (Nordstrom has free returns in stores unlike bare necessities)
I had to make a major clarification the other day. Have you ever heard of the pull and lift? I learned this from my very posh grandmother when my older sister got her first bra.
I was a late bloomer so it wasn't until I was about 14 that I needed anything other than a sporstbra and then it was all downhill (literally) after having kids.
I tried a shirt on that I had just bought to show Mermis (husband) and after blink and short scrutiny he said "I think it will fit better when you have a bra on"
Who knew.
I felt the same way when trying on a pair of pants. Except with the pants it was like....It might fit better if I wear spanx.
Thats Cool, I'll stick with my trendy yoga pants and elastic thank you very much.
My kids didn't breastfeed long. I was not a milk producer for much more than 4 months and I have no regrets about it.
Before Kids not wearing a bra wasn't something I did regularly but I didn't NEED a bra. They knew where they were supposed to be and they stayed there.
Oh honey has age and elasticity changed. Now I understand the pull and lift.
Someone I have always loved and looked up to in so many ways asked me the other day when this topic came candidly up "Do you still buy 60 dollar bras?" And I was like Yes!
I have a small rib cage (like size 30-32)** and Heaven knows I don't want anything falling underneath while I am reaching the top shelf at target the get the size of diapers I need.
My kids are way to observant and as I tell my 5 year old when he tries to come in when I am getting dressed "Stay out its personal space while mom gets ready"
and then the inevitable
"Why"
"Because I don't want you to remember any of this....and you will thank me for that one day"
I am not embarrassed of being a woman. Actually I am quite grateful to be a woman. I would not ever want a hairy butt or ear hair or long nostril hair or have to pee in front of people in a urinal. Nope I am content and happy being a woman.
That being said I am learning as I get older that I am a bit more vain than I thought I was say when I was 20 years old.
And also to remember to try on shirts with your bra on.
**If you are any kind of double cup I recomend these brands
Freya-great fit and shape
Natori-although the band runs bigger and tend to stretch out more
Nordstrom carries them as does http://www.barenecessities.com (Nordstrom has free returns in stores unlike bare necessities)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Oh dear Panda!
I have two kids. My youngest is nearly 4 and I have yet to "lose" my baby fat? I would like to say its not my fault but I rarely turn down a treat or a chance to watch a great movie (or lets be honest subpar movie) to workout. I haven't been willing to wake up at 5am to sweat out my treats yet.
I sometimes think that if I lived in the Pioneer days. I wouldn't mind being chubby. And yes I am chubby. Being at my post 2 week baby weight with my second is chubby ( I am only 5'4 people). They didn't brush their teeth, they wore long dresses, mostly likely didn't shave or wax, they just lived without all the primping (or longevity, or teeth but I digress)
But there is a small motivation for me to go to the gym now. The Gym has cable and I do not.
Its like dangling a donut in front of a mother of two.
Heck yes, I'll sweat and strain on the elliptical to watch TLC, and HGTV and I'll even go 5 minutes longer to see what House they or are going to buy or rent or if the house gets finished in time with its remodel.
Well, on an usually sobering day I decided to watch the animal planet. Not usually my thing I much prefer the people to the animals but I went at a different time and I didn't think I could handle watching another baby born and keep myself from crying (as I always think I will). And the animal subject of that day was Pandas.
Big ol fuzzy pandas.
Let me tell you something I love animals but oh honey do those zookeepers looove pandas.
So the story is this. Two pandas are taken from China, flown to the United states in hopes that they will be maters (not like in Cars but like as in mating)
The zookeepers are beyond thrilled and my hesitation begins when the first zookeepers gets so excited that the male is in heat. So they watch non stop on cameras as he tries to get to it and they say frustrated
"She just won't stay in the right position!"
This all gets very technical and they need to know when the Panda is in heat, why isn't she letting him mate with her etc.
They have a team that watches and takes notes 24/7 to see if they actually offically mate.
Apparently no luck.
So both bears are put to sleep. They take the male and get his stuff and then take the female into the OR for Insemination.
At this point I look around "IS anyone else watching this? Is this real?"
I am feeling a little uncomfortable about the excitement surrounding this event. But I can't seem to turn the channel. Is this really real?
That lady bear is sprawled on her back dead to the world from anesthesia and she is covered on her lower half by a blue tarp except for a round spot which is blurred by the camera. Legs and paws splayed out
The procedure is over and the Dr excitedly exclaims "Beautiful! Beautiful!"
I felt like it was on the level of Dr. Frankenstein exclaiming "Its alive its alive!"
Oh mother. I love animals but apparently I don't LOVE animals. You keep the panda bears lady business to yourself thank you. And I am going to stick with my people television.
At least on that respect watching a chubby panda with no neck does not make me feel fat in the least and I am grateful that my job isn't to explain to that panda what immaculate conception is in 3 months when she births her baby
PANDA: "But I never signed up for this....what??? WITH THAT GUY???!!!" she's going to be super pissed.
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