When my oldest was first born not only was I tired, grumpy, dealing with healing and pain (from a c sectionj-still my gnarliest scar evah!) but with the results of the pregnancy after body.
Oh I knew I wouldn't' be one of those people that hid all the weight and sag within a few days. I was a popped kernel baby and no amount of water was going to shrink me. This is when I first discovered the first step into Moomoo hood.
That's right moomoohood. When being a mommy creates a sense of blobby in mind and body and you need a way to cover it up for a while.
My first stage moomoo was merely pajama pants belonging to my husband and a tshirt of his. He is 5'10 and I am 5'4. I used to wear colors and delicate "Dry clean only Fabrics" and he wears laid back graphic t shirts. It was a perfect match. I wasn't wearing make up anymore because I didn't have time and I rarely did my hair (when you have naturally curly hair and live in a dry cold state you need to 'do' your hair to not look like a wooly sheep). I just kept my black etnies hat on most of the time.
This was all well and fine until after talking to my mom about life, blah blah, baby not sleeping, etc etc she told me "Mariah you need to stop wearing Kalon's clothes". Mom's do have telepathy I know but after being out of the house a long time you think that magic wears off a bit. It doesn't. She caught me.
I had a secret life at home. I got up when I absolutely HAD to, I showered at some point, and didn't leave the house as much as I should have. But when I left the house I cleaned up. I was going to be in Public (by the way Public only counts when you are shopping at non grocery stores).
I felt yucky. Being out and about was the only prodding I had besides church to wear real clothes and I am grateful that my mom (remembering the me I was before I, myself was a mom)reminded me about it.
It has taken over 3 1/2 years to feel like I am remembering myself. The one that got dressed in non pajamas and does her face and hair just about everyday. This has a bit to do with 2 babies in a 19month span and a big out of state move and yes...some therapy and medication but looking back I wish I could have talked to my younger Mariah and given her some advice.
I felt that if I wore pj's I could hide all my new insecurities. And boy was I wrong when I saw pictures of me wearing my dark pj garb and hat! I looked like the crypt keeper and I swear I literally "acked!" outloud when I first saw myself. Dark circles, strange angles of the gut, rear views etc.
The only positive outcome of these discoveries was that I purged my closet and started discarding the clothes that I saw myself in the pictures wearing. Its kind of like that person that wears a foundation that is a wrong color and it is obvious to you as an outsider but to them it matches.
I envied people for a long time that were naturally really thin. Silly, petty, useless I know. And unless you have had the challenge of an extremely good for your body diet and vigorous exercise to maintain your voluptuous physique it won't make sense. But for anyone else who knows the horror of realizing that you are your worst enemy I give you and My old Mariah some advice
1.Don't wear pajamas during the day. If you must at least wear a bra
2.Don't expect your body to be the same after having a baby you can't rely on genetics to smooth that pooch and tighten those buns-feel good about yourself and work at it hard its very rewarding
3.Don't let your spouse say anything about your body that is negative (and don't ask!!!) and by a man saying he likes your big nursing boobs does not count as positive feedback (those things go away)
4.Relax. Enjoy the day. IF you are not feeling like yourself, disconnected, floaty, unrelated to anyone, not enjoying things you used to find a therapist or a good Gym Trainer
Because given the sleep that you will no longer have, the terrible nursing bras you will wear, and all the poor advice from total strangers and even those whom you love, the last thing you need is for you to hide from yourself.
Yes, its new. It was different. I had no idea how to be a mom. How to make dinner, clean, diaper, deal with a 24/7 crying baby or sick baby and function in normal society or company. But despite what people tell you just about everyone feels this way and those who don't think they did have been a mommy for too long to remember (I know this because I no longer cringe hearing a newborn cry--My husband on the other hand is a different story).
So keep your head up, your hair done and for heaven's sake keep your pajamas out of your wardrobe.