Ummm no one told me how much more difficult it would be to have a three year old than two year old. Everyone always talked about the terrible two's. When people see your kid screaming in the grocery store they sometimes would say "Oh terrible twos!" I mostly smile and them and keep walking.
But Heaven help us when they turn 3! This age is so much more challenging for me. You expect more, they understand more and instead of physical exhaustion which has lessened slightly your brain is a bit fried at the end of the day. They actually need real parenting at this point.
Sure when they are little they have so many more temporal needs to be met by you. Feeding, diapering, getting dressed. A two year old can't and I don't think should be expected to remember every rule of the house. No climbing, no screaming inside, no throwing food, no chasing the cat. But by three they definitely know better and you expect them. And then when Heaven Forbid they aren't following the rules discipline comes in.
Discipline. Yuck. This does not come natural to me and maybe that is a good thing. I really don't understand the mom that can smack her kid for anything they do wrong, drop food on floor-spank, hit brother-spank. I just don't get it. I'm all about boundaries but some people don't even seem to be phased by it. I don't know maybe that isn't a bad thing. Either way I am learning that I have a lot of parenting to learn and I have recently been reading some parenting books which further remind me how much more I can grow to become a better parent. Its all a little exhausting.
I want to do the best possible for my kids. Gosh but doing is such a challenge everyday!
For a few months I started thinking "I'm getting the hang of this! I've got it!" Until Cupcake started talking more and more and asking more and more and pushing boundaries more and more as his 4th birthday is coming up I'm realizing that I have a kid now, not a toddler to teach.
I really am baffled at how I missed that this was going to happen. I felt like for a while my parenting skills went sour. That I lost my touch at boundaries, positive reinforcement etc. But I am realizing that you can't teach a two year old the same way you are teaching a pre schooler. Their needs are different and abilities and thought processes are different.
I'm pretty sure this is a reason why people have lots and lots of kids. When you get good at something it is more fun to do it!
So there you go. My new goal
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Wrinkle creams
There is no better way to put your mind in alert or at ease when looking at a photograph.
I've learned that when you are planning on being in a picture you do your hair and make up. That way later on you can make true "I looked so good back then".
It is somewhat horrifying to look back at baby pictures of my kids. Cupcake 3 going on 4 and Buggy his sister 2.
When did they grow up? When did Cupcake decide that boxer briefs were better than briefs? And that the red ones that come in the package must be Buggy's because they are red. After telling me this he then put them in her drawer.
Watching my kids grow helps me forget that I am aging as well. I am that person who looks at a 19 year old and thinks "I'm older than her?" and as a dear friend put it "I looked in the mirror and thought-I look like someone's mom!".
I'm still trying to figure out if teenagers dress more maturely or if I am that lady who wants to shop in the teen section but seeing as my butt doesn't fit in low rise then meanders to a sweater to match my ketchup stained sweats (a sweater with a Winnie the Pooh character on the front of course).
I looked at a picture of myself from the last month. And It was somewhat shocking still 4 years later. And the fact that I am closer to 30 than 20 and my kids are closer to being in school than using the step stool in the bathroom is panicking.
Looking at that picture of Me and the kids I realized how much more they are going to grow. And how much older I am going to get. It also helped me remember about how my job as a mom is to fill my kids with as much love as I can. That my job as a mom is in short to be better than my best self and to continually find joy in it.
Despite my scrutiny at the lines around my eyes, the freckles that no longer fade in the winter, the spider veins growing across my legs and the general feeling of "Gravity wins again", I want to look back at pictures and be able to remember all the gratitude I felt for being able to be apart of two little beings. And that through my stewardship they become responsible citizens of the world.
I've learned that when you are planning on being in a picture you do your hair and make up. That way later on you can make true "I looked so good back then".
It is somewhat horrifying to look back at baby pictures of my kids. Cupcake 3 going on 4 and Buggy his sister 2.
When did they grow up? When did Cupcake decide that boxer briefs were better than briefs? And that the red ones that come in the package must be Buggy's because they are red. After telling me this he then put them in her drawer.
Watching my kids grow helps me forget that I am aging as well. I am that person who looks at a 19 year old and thinks "I'm older than her?" and as a dear friend put it "I looked in the mirror and thought-I look like someone's mom!".
I'm still trying to figure out if teenagers dress more maturely or if I am that lady who wants to shop in the teen section but seeing as my butt doesn't fit in low rise then meanders to a sweater to match my ketchup stained sweats (a sweater with a Winnie the Pooh character on the front of course).
I looked at a picture of myself from the last month. And It was somewhat shocking still 4 years later. And the fact that I am closer to 30 than 20 and my kids are closer to being in school than using the step stool in the bathroom is panicking.
Looking at that picture of Me and the kids I realized how much more they are going to grow. And how much older I am going to get. It also helped me remember about how my job as a mom is to fill my kids with as much love as I can. That my job as a mom is in short to be better than my best self and to continually find joy in it.
Despite my scrutiny at the lines around my eyes, the freckles that no longer fade in the winter, the spider veins growing across my legs and the general feeling of "Gravity wins again", I want to look back at pictures and be able to remember all the gratitude I felt for being able to be apart of two little beings. And that through my stewardship they become responsible citizens of the world.
Monday, March 21, 2011
PJ's are the new Moomoo
When my oldest was first born not only was I tired, grumpy, dealing with healing and pain (from a c sectionj-still my gnarliest scar evah!) but with the results of the pregnancy after body.
Oh I knew I wouldn't' be one of those people that hid all the weight and sag within a few days. I was a popped kernel baby and no amount of water was going to shrink me. This is when I first discovered the first step into Moomoo hood.
That's right moomoohood. When being a mommy creates a sense of blobby in mind and body and you need a way to cover it up for a while.
My first stage moomoo was merely pajama pants belonging to my husband and a tshirt of his. He is 5'10 and I am 5'4. I used to wear colors and delicate "Dry clean only Fabrics" and he wears laid back graphic t shirts. It was a perfect match. I wasn't wearing make up anymore because I didn't have time and I rarely did my hair (when you have naturally curly hair and live in a dry cold state you need to 'do' your hair to not look like a wooly sheep). I just kept my black etnies hat on most of the time.
This was all well and fine until after talking to my mom about life, blah blah, baby not sleeping, etc etc she told me "Mariah you need to stop wearing Kalon's clothes". Mom's do have telepathy I know but after being out of the house a long time you think that magic wears off a bit. It doesn't. She caught me.
I had a secret life at home. I got up when I absolutely HAD to, I showered at some point, and didn't leave the house as much as I should have. But when I left the house I cleaned up. I was going to be in Public (by the way Public only counts when you are shopping at non grocery stores).
I felt yucky. Being out and about was the only prodding I had besides church to wear real clothes and I am grateful that my mom (remembering the me I was before I, myself was a mom)reminded me about it.
It has taken over 3 1/2 years to feel like I am remembering myself. The one that got dressed in non pajamas and does her face and hair just about everyday. This has a bit to do with 2 babies in a 19month span and a big out of state move and yes...some therapy and medication but looking back I wish I could have talked to my younger Mariah and given her some advice.
I felt that if I wore pj's I could hide all my new insecurities. And boy was I wrong when I saw pictures of me wearing my dark pj garb and hat! I looked like the crypt keeper and I swear I literally "acked!" outloud when I first saw myself. Dark circles, strange angles of the gut, rear views etc.
The only positive outcome of these discoveries was that I purged my closet and started discarding the clothes that I saw myself in the pictures wearing. Its kind of like that person that wears a foundation that is a wrong color and it is obvious to you as an outsider but to them it matches.
I envied people for a long time that were naturally really thin. Silly, petty, useless I know. And unless you have had the challenge of an extremely good for your body diet and vigorous exercise to maintain your voluptuous physique it won't make sense. But for anyone else who knows the horror of realizing that you are your worst enemy I give you and My old Mariah some advice
1.Don't wear pajamas during the day. If you must at least wear a bra
2.Don't expect your body to be the same after having a baby you can't rely on genetics to smooth that pooch and tighten those buns-feel good about yourself and work at it hard its very rewarding
3.Don't let your spouse say anything about your body that is negative (and don't ask!!!) and by a man saying he likes your big nursing boobs does not count as positive feedback (those things go away)
4.Relax. Enjoy the day. IF you are not feeling like yourself, disconnected, floaty, unrelated to anyone, not enjoying things you used to find a therapist or a good Gym Trainer
Because given the sleep that you will no longer have, the terrible nursing bras you will wear, and all the poor advice from total strangers and even those whom you love, the last thing you need is for you to hide from yourself.
Yes, its new. It was different. I had no idea how to be a mom. How to make dinner, clean, diaper, deal with a 24/7 crying baby or sick baby and function in normal society or company. But despite what people tell you just about everyone feels this way and those who don't think they did have been a mommy for too long to remember (I know this because I no longer cringe hearing a newborn cry--My husband on the other hand is a different story).
So keep your head up, your hair done and for heaven's sake keep your pajamas out of your wardrobe.
Oh I knew I wouldn't' be one of those people that hid all the weight and sag within a few days. I was a popped kernel baby and no amount of water was going to shrink me. This is when I first discovered the first step into Moomoo hood.
That's right moomoohood. When being a mommy creates a sense of blobby in mind and body and you need a way to cover it up for a while.
My first stage moomoo was merely pajama pants belonging to my husband and a tshirt of his. He is 5'10 and I am 5'4. I used to wear colors and delicate "Dry clean only Fabrics" and he wears laid back graphic t shirts. It was a perfect match. I wasn't wearing make up anymore because I didn't have time and I rarely did my hair (when you have naturally curly hair and live in a dry cold state you need to 'do' your hair to not look like a wooly sheep). I just kept my black etnies hat on most of the time.
This was all well and fine until after talking to my mom about life, blah blah, baby not sleeping, etc etc she told me "Mariah you need to stop wearing Kalon's clothes". Mom's do have telepathy I know but after being out of the house a long time you think that magic wears off a bit. It doesn't. She caught me.
I had a secret life at home. I got up when I absolutely HAD to, I showered at some point, and didn't leave the house as much as I should have. But when I left the house I cleaned up. I was going to be in Public (by the way Public only counts when you are shopping at non grocery stores).
I felt yucky. Being out and about was the only prodding I had besides church to wear real clothes and I am grateful that my mom (remembering the me I was before I, myself was a mom)reminded me about it.
It has taken over 3 1/2 years to feel like I am remembering myself. The one that got dressed in non pajamas and does her face and hair just about everyday. This has a bit to do with 2 babies in a 19month span and a big out of state move and yes...some therapy and medication but looking back I wish I could have talked to my younger Mariah and given her some advice.
I felt that if I wore pj's I could hide all my new insecurities. And boy was I wrong when I saw pictures of me wearing my dark pj garb and hat! I looked like the crypt keeper and I swear I literally "acked!" outloud when I first saw myself. Dark circles, strange angles of the gut, rear views etc.
The only positive outcome of these discoveries was that I purged my closet and started discarding the clothes that I saw myself in the pictures wearing. Its kind of like that person that wears a foundation that is a wrong color and it is obvious to you as an outsider but to them it matches.
I envied people for a long time that were naturally really thin. Silly, petty, useless I know. And unless you have had the challenge of an extremely good for your body diet and vigorous exercise to maintain your voluptuous physique it won't make sense. But for anyone else who knows the horror of realizing that you are your worst enemy I give you and My old Mariah some advice
1.Don't wear pajamas during the day. If you must at least wear a bra
2.Don't expect your body to be the same after having a baby you can't rely on genetics to smooth that pooch and tighten those buns-feel good about yourself and work at it hard its very rewarding
3.Don't let your spouse say anything about your body that is negative (and don't ask!!!) and by a man saying he likes your big nursing boobs does not count as positive feedback (those things go away)
4.Relax. Enjoy the day. IF you are not feeling like yourself, disconnected, floaty, unrelated to anyone, not enjoying things you used to find a therapist or a good Gym Trainer
Because given the sleep that you will no longer have, the terrible nursing bras you will wear, and all the poor advice from total strangers and even those whom you love, the last thing you need is for you to hide from yourself.
Yes, its new. It was different. I had no idea how to be a mom. How to make dinner, clean, diaper, deal with a 24/7 crying baby or sick baby and function in normal society or company. But despite what people tell you just about everyone feels this way and those who don't think they did have been a mommy for too long to remember (I know this because I no longer cringe hearing a newborn cry--My husband on the other hand is a different story).
So keep your head up, your hair done and for heaven's sake keep your pajamas out of your wardrobe.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
What the Flagnod
My nieces both who watch spongebob were the first to share this lovely phrase with me. And I have said it more than once in my head, out loud and in smothered tones while certain small persons carry flour and sugar to their playroom with their bare hands...AGAIN.
March is not just a month of kissing Irishmen (preferably with rippling muscles) or painting your nails green, or promising that you are going to eat spinach on St Patty's to make up for all that ice cream you gorged on last night after the kids were finally down and hubby wanted to workout and you decided to keep typing on the computer.....
I have no idea how the time has gone by so fast without me knowing it. I have no idea how my daughter grew a whole shoe size in a month and "What the flag nod!" when the heck did we ever finish Christmas?
My life flashes in front of me and I panic a little. This is what it feels like to get old. I am not even 30 and I start feeling menopause crushing my hormones and giving me night sweats. I think this was my aha moment. I am officially officially a crazed minivan mom. Sigh.
I don't like time going by so fast. I don't have a choice how fast it goes by but I do with how I spend it. Tonight I spend it drinking a delicious slushy from Sonic. And tomorrow and the next I hope I take better care to keep track of what we are doing in our lives and recording it. Because when I wake up after the blitz of holidays and frantic shopping and family visiting stressing (like major stressing-even if I love it) it is already Green season-taxes-warmer weather.
And next year when this March comes around again I hope-I hope that I've found an even better place for myself and enjoying even more my very busy, very trying and very wonderful family. And to make it a goal to learn new verbage from scholastic books rather than cartoon influenced nieces.
March is not just a month of kissing Irishmen (preferably with rippling muscles) or painting your nails green, or promising that you are going to eat spinach on St Patty's to make up for all that ice cream you gorged on last night after the kids were finally down and hubby wanted to workout and you decided to keep typing on the computer.....
I have no idea how the time has gone by so fast without me knowing it. I have no idea how my daughter grew a whole shoe size in a month and "What the flag nod!" when the heck did we ever finish Christmas?
My life flashes in front of me and I panic a little. This is what it feels like to get old. I am not even 30 and I start feeling menopause crushing my hormones and giving me night sweats. I think this was my aha moment. I am officially officially a crazed minivan mom. Sigh.
I don't like time going by so fast. I don't have a choice how fast it goes by but I do with how I spend it. Tonight I spend it drinking a delicious slushy from Sonic. And tomorrow and the next I hope I take better care to keep track of what we are doing in our lives and recording it. Because when I wake up after the blitz of holidays and frantic shopping and family visiting stressing (like major stressing-even if I love it) it is already Green season-taxes-warmer weather.
And next year when this March comes around again I hope-I hope that I've found an even better place for myself and enjoying even more my very busy, very trying and very wonderful family. And to make it a goal to learn new verbage from scholastic books rather than cartoon influenced nieces.
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