I have been doing a lot of pondering lately. And by me just writing that makes me think I should have a slow southern drawl with black coffee steaming next to me.
It seems exhausting to go into details of all the crazy things that have happened especially because it seems that is what life is right now. For the past two plus years it seems to be non stop crazy stuff. I have become a little self conscious of myself. I have been wondering about is it me that makes drama and crazy stuff happen? Is it how I live my life?
I know that I can be fairly dramatic in my retelling of events (even it is how I am feeling about it) but I do think that I know that I am being that way.
My mom told me a few times over the weekend how blogs are embarrassing. That people say things that other people don't need to know. And I know that maybe she has read a blog once of mine but it made me think "Is she referring to me?". I didn't want to answer because I didn't want the question answered. I told her that I didn't write anything that I wouldn't tell someone outloud and in public for that matter. To this she just shook her head. So we continued our time at the beach as a family and I continued the dialogue in my head about blogs.
I am a big believer in sharing how you feel about something and altough I don't always have great tact I don't divulge things like a private journal, even some of those things I don't like sharing with myself.
All this train of thought led me (as it usually does) to how I am percieved by my immediate family and really most importantly to my kids. I want to be open with them. I am determined to help my kids by being the best me possible at the given time. And I guess as we are all different that means different things to everyone. I will share with you the things that are most important to me for my kids to know
1. God loves them and is real
2. That I love them unconditionally and of how much great worth they are
3. That they have a responsibility to be kind to others and treat themselves well too
4. That I love their Father
5. To have fun responsibly (even if I use the term responsibly loosely)
How can I teach my kids these things? How am I not going to throw them into therapy from all my flaws? How am I going be a great example to them while being human and imperfect? I am not exactly sure but I know that I need to start with the basics.
Keep myself filled up. Take care of myself physically and spiritually. Take care of my husband and I's relationship. And be the example of how one can live their life in a way that suits them and that nourishes not only their soul but their family's as well.
So lately I have been focusing on that. Filling up my life with people, activities, food (delicious and not delicious) that fill me up.
Because although it is truly unfortunate ice cream, chocolate almonds, coca cola, does not make me a happy mom. Nor does browsing the internet all day or (big sigh) reading US weekly and people for two hours.
So to you ladies who also had chocolate for breakfast I dedicate this to year (this is me smashing champagne bottle on the monitor). We can do it. We can fill er' up. And by Golly we can all avoid (hopefully) intensive therapy for our loved ones.