Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Crazy cat lady!

With the deathly hallows of winter loafing around the trees -I want to stand outside and in an operatic fashion sing my toil and sorrow while shaking a fist.

And lucky for my family-and my neighbors. This scenario is another chapter filed into "what I wanted to do but didn't".

My hubwah (aka merswah aka kermie) planned a couples get away to Florida. Florida! No, not for the winter but for the end of August. Yes, it was super hot but it was so awesome to get away for a while together. I have never been away from the children for that long and despite being filled with a lot-I mean a lot- of anxiety I got on the mother toting plane and road my sore bum to Florida with my man.
Luckily, despite my anxieties the trip was fairly stressful and it reminded me of all the wonderfulness of being married and having such a loving and supportive partner. Who despite my many crazies works with me to keep our great life.

 On my birthday we went to an Italian restaurant on the resort. I was feeling all fancy and ordered a virgin concoction drink and had appetizer, food, etc. And there was a trio roaming the tables  serenading guests. When asked what my favorite kind of music was I told them "Sam Cooke". They didn't know any Sam Cooke songs but whatever it was she sang melted from her and I wanted a bowl to catch it. I love music.
I am not musical. I do not sing well but I appreciate those with the talents to do it and I could have sat there staring wide grinned at her dedicated version of whatever song dripped out.

When they moved to the next table I felt myself wanting to follow them. And I giggled to myself and my merswah picturing me standing behind them singing like scully from Little Mermaid- behind their melodic voices. So awesome.  If the lights went off and a disco ball started twirling ahead with a spot light...I mean I wouldn't have complained but I most likely would have had to calm other guests...from my awesomeness. Because I pretty sure I have that affect on people.

There are so many great things on amazon. Including these cat ears.

I dont' know who thinks of this stuff but I want to shake their hand. I am not sure how many friends I would make wearing them-ok actually I can-THOUSANDS!-but for real wut? (I say wut not what because it makes me sound smarter by the way).

Have you seen "THE OTHER WOMAN"? There is some great, great comedic scenes in that movie but one of my favorites is when Kate-the main character is sitting on her bed, wearing her wedding gown and veil and crying to herself. Her make up is smeared and she is commiserating with comfort food.

I feel like this scene could easily get played out at my house this winter. When the kids are at school I sit on my bed with my newly-super cool-cat ears and coca cola and gummi bears and cry to myself about whatever it is I felt like crying about. And knowing me in the winter-and being a California spoiled brat I would  have soooo much inspiration like:

Hot chocolate does not help me get my BMI to a healthier number (I can picture the cat ears down turned)

The wire in my over the shoulder boulder holder started poking out ( at which point I would drape myself in my Betsy Johnson half coat-drape because I bought it about a couple "D' sizes ago and it would no no longer button)

Despite my best efforts I will not sound like my favorite contestants on the voice (ears turn backwards and a growl  and hiss grows in my throat).

 I mean I could go on and on.....and I often do but I'll stop there for now.

My poor merswah has been so traumatized by my banter and scowl face toward cold weather that my sinical-ness (that is a real word calm down squiggly red line!) has rubbed off into his brain. He has told me that anytime he hears anyone say "How much they love the fall" he thinks how much I don't like it.
And I have explained to him that in this high desert of U T A H fall is our winter in California so this isnt' real fall. Its fake California fall (yes I am obviously obnoxious).

He mentioned to me this afternoon that maybe we should try moving somewhere that was really bad so that we could come back and me be more grateful for  U T A H weather. Pfffft. I know it wasn't nice but I was like " still want to stay married right?" I can barely survive winter in  UTAH without excessive hissing and renting of clothing. Take me back east and I literally turn into a werewolf.

I would tear off my clothes (but keep on my pink high heels (that I would have recently bought to help myself feel better-because in this scenario I-as werewolf would at least have some class) and I would proceed to wander the woods marking my territory and dispensing all my knowledge the forest creatures who would then ask me where I was from and then feel so sympathetic for me that they would make me some homemade bread (although this might take awhile with their little paws and such) and tell me "oh poor thing, here have some chocolate).

And even though at times that social barrier electric fence in my head sometimes sputters and something pops out of my head that is more outlandish then normal I am grateufl to at least amuse myself in many un      desirable situations.

So if you are ever on the television and hear about an eccentric lady singing very bad opera outside her home in U T A H you can at least say "At least that isn't me" "That Mother is craaaazy!"

And sometimes just having something else that is a little more than what you are-makes you feel better about the person you are. Kind of like how I feel about robotic cat ears...and watching the show Fringe.

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