Coming to Terms

I love people. I haven't always been a really social person. I remember being little and being a lot more timid and Shy. Being in a room with lots of people I was intimidated by it and a lot more comfortable being by myself and reading.

Not to mention I had an older sister who I always felt was my opposite. We were (are-duh) two years apart. She was opinionated and the girl who matched her underwear to her socks, to her bow, to her shirt, to her shoes. It was the 80's, but c'mon.

She was louder than I was and cooler in school. She told people what she thought directly and never seemed scared to get into trouble. She kept really good grades.

I on the other hand remember specifically my mom telling me "Here are clothes that you can interchange so that they always match". On a morning when my mom picked out my outfit I cried all the way to school because I thought it looked horrific.

My sister took me to the yard lady to help and she said, "The only thing ugly on your face is those tears" and even at the age of 7 I thought it was cheesy that she said that.

Do you ever think about how you became the person you are now?

As a person who once wanted to major in Psychology and as a person who can be found in Therapy I have thought a lot about it.

I became a lot more outgoing in middle school and by high school although I shyed away from a lot of things that seemed to hard, or challenging, or threatening (like trying out for sports, or a play) I didn't pull so far away from Social situations (the crazy boy hormones helped alot too with breaking that barrier)

Being a mom now helps me reflect on my own childhood. The things I was taught, or what at least I percieved to be my reality.

I have talked with my sister about a lot of situations and memories that I remember and either she doesn't remember them, or remembers them so differently?

And really it comes down to this. I am becoming a little more worried about how my kids will remember me and their childhood. As my therapist often says to me though "But now you recognize the things that you would like to be different and make sure you do that for your children" Or for instance don't do.

So I am coming to terms with my mere 25 years of life. I am realizing that even though my mom (God bless her) Had 3 kids by the time she was 25.....3 KIds! That I am the mother I choose to be.