The matrix

 The year is 2021.  I sit in my amazon purchased discount chair that is just one year older, but looks battered and weather worn. Much like me. 

I am not an eloquent writer. I enjoy spelling, but rely on word check to tell me I'm wrong just to have me stare at that angry red line for a long time deciding if I actually care enough to change it. 

I used to write a lot more. I used to draw a lot more. Loving someone on the spectrum continues to require growth on my end and frankly I am extremely imperfect and it would be easier if I wasn't. 

In the last 7 years I've had another child, moved 3 times, graduated with my AA (arts and human expression)-which was a complete fete nestled with demands of family life. I've cried a lot, made new friends, lost old friends, fostered kittens, lost our therapy cat, adopted a cat (not a therapy animal), broken an ankle-extremely inconvenient (0 out of 5 stars). I've laughed a lot and cried a lot.

I've realized as a mom with some specific challenges in my family-I haver very little answers. And THAT is what is so freaking annoying. 

I've been picked up by people who continually love me and stick around and find my specific obnoxious curiously endearing and have been scathed by some who (gasp) find me extremely annoying and do not enjoy me (I know I to am shocked I am unlikeable)*

Someone asked me when I thought things would be more back to normal. 2024. I think by 2024 there will be a more easy normal than what we have going on right now. Still masked, still no full time school in person for kids. 

I've been looking at this pandemic the same way as I did 10 years ago. When my 2nd (now nearing teenhood) was not sleeping through the night I would tell myself "She will sleep through the night by the time she is 15"

And you know what she eventually did sleep through the night, we don't have bi monthly doctor visits for asthma/urgent care visits. 

I'm holding out for 2024 and until then I'm doing the best I can in my worn out looking skin