A couple of weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine was expected to pass away "any minute".
Of course it came as shock to me and it is heartbreaking.
In the simplest terms it was depressing and scary.
I called my mom who (unfortunately) has had a few friends pass away young. And I asked "How do you even cope with it" and tearfully she explained how she still missed them and that it was weird when someone your age dies.
It is hard to write about it and my heart has been full of many things. Mostly that I try not to think about it because honestly I don't want to be crying all the time and my friend is still with her family. She hasn't passed.
I felt like I wanted to do something to be apart of something to help her family but I realize with what is going on I can't really except to pray.
I am finding as I get older (not yet 30 but still) that mortality is just that. Mortality. There will be an end to this part of the journey and you can't always know when it will be.
My friend has children living at home grade school even. And I am reminded about how deeply I love my children and how I am in a place where I have the opportunity to be with them, listen to their whining, helping my 3 year old clean up the pee that didn't' make to the toilet.
I never thought parenting would be easy (even though I couldn't quite understand how challenging) but I never expected to feel at times so threadbare doing it.
I have had the blessing of being around people who have challenges, even really staggering life altering ones and although I only see or feel a glimpse of it I am continually humbled about how much Heavenly Father is cognizant of us and our families and about how much he cares. I know this because I have felt it in my heart and know that it is true.
Life is a beautiful gift and it is harrowing at times but I am grateful for the gentle reminder to take advantage of the time that I do have for things that are nurturing for my family and myself. The things that really matter and to let go of many (many many many) smaller things that shouldn't be shadowing the more important.
I am grateful for my life and for being able to have the two children I have-not everyone gets that opportunity.
So as I start out another week (crossing my fingers that this week will be easier at my house) No matter what I will be thankful to still have time with my kids. Being a mom in Mortality is my favorite blessing