There was a really hard day at home. Kids, no naps from them, and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I felt so bad for myself and was on the brink of despair (keep in perspective of coarse that I do realize I can be a bit dramatic to myself and I know I chose to be at home with kids).
I was sick and tired of feeling so grumpy that day I got this in my head "Mariah, calm down and find a way to enjoy it. You chose to be here". So what did I do? I thought about what would be fun (my motivator)
I decided to throw myself a party
I baked a cake, ordered a pizza, and a redbox.
I called Kalon and told (should have said asked, but if I am being honest here I might as well be completely) him to pick up the pizza and redbox on the way home.
I am actually pretty embarassed to admit this, but it did make me realize that you don't have to be perfection. Its okay to lower your standards so that your brain doesn't seize and give up the ghost of sanity.
Slow down and shorten your list of to do's to 'to musts'
This event described above was a couple months ago and after the past two emotionally awful weeks for me I got a nice thump on my head last night. I had been feeling really lonely and marooned a bit and even though we have been here for about 6 months I was wanting so bad to be in contact with people I have grown to love while first learning about being a mom.
I received a much needed message from a BFF of mine by the name of Shmar (yes, that is her given name). Lame, that I hadn't been able to pick up the phone etc. but hearing her and what had been going on with her family made me realize "YOu do have friends and they have problems too, so calm down and stop whining about yourself...to yourself"
So I have to say even though I miss the one on one interaction with my dear friend I think it was a blessing in a way from Heavenly Father that Life does feel awful at times, but you aren't the only one who feels that way.
So To You Shmar--I hope we are able to talk officially on the phone instead of through messages and I hope that whenever you read this you will know that I hope you get to write a little of your book.
And to anyone else who has made it this far...if there is anyone reading this at all. I relearn over and over again that I just need to stop worrying about myself and ask for help.