Stop worrying about yourself

There was a really hard day at home. Kids, no naps from them, and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I felt so bad for myself and was on the brink of despair (keep in perspective of coarse that I do realize I can be a bit dramatic to myself and I know I chose to be at home with kids).

I was sick and tired of feeling so grumpy that day I got this in my head "Mariah, calm down and find a way to enjoy it. You chose to be here". So what did I do? I thought about what would be fun (my motivator)
I decided to throw myself a party

I baked a cake, ordered a pizza, and a redbox.

I called Kalon and told (should have said asked, but if I am being honest here I might as well be completely) him to pick up the pizza and redbox on the way home.

I am actually pretty embarassed to admit this, but it did make me realize that you don't have to be perfection. Its okay to lower your standards so that your brain doesn't seize and give up the ghost of sanity.

Slow down and shorten your list of to do's to 'to musts'

This event described above was a couple months ago and after the past two emotionally awful weeks for me I got a nice thump on my head last night. I had been feeling really lonely and marooned a bit and even though we have been here for about 6 months I was wanting so bad to be in contact with people I have grown to love while first learning about being a mom.

I received a much needed message from a BFF of mine by the name of Shmar (yes, that is her given name). Lame, that I hadn't been able to pick up the phone etc. but hearing her and what had been going on with her family made me realize "YOu do have friends and they have problems too, so calm down and stop whining about yourself...to yourself"

So I have to say even though I miss the one on one interaction with my dear friend I think it was a blessing in a way from Heavenly Father that Life does feel awful at times, but you aren't the only one who feels that way.

So To You Shmar--I hope we are able to talk officially on the phone instead of through messages and I hope that whenever you read this you will know that I hope you get to write a little of your book.

And to anyone else who has made it this far...if there is anyone reading this at all. I relearn over and over again that I just need to stop worrying about myself and ask for help.

New Years Resolutions

Christmas was great. Kalon got work off (Adobe closes down Dec.24th-Jan1st) so we have him with us and it is awesome. We go work out together, cook together and hang out with the kids together.
WE went to bed before midnight which was my preference and I am still in PJ's woohoo.

Happy New Year. IF you haven't notice I still haven't figured out the new photo program K put on and seriously it is crazy how much less time you have with just one more kid. Seriously.

But New Years resolutions anyone? I personally am not a fan of them, but I did decide that I am going to stop doing the things that I hate.

I am going to do my best to do the things I enjoy, and or work on enjoying the things that I don't, because life is too crazy to hate things that you do. Slideshow pictures to come of our last two holidays!

And to my pregnant fellow blogger friends. Pat your tummy for me!

25 going on 30?

Merry Christmas my fellow momma elves!
I have to say mine was pretty awesome. My felt hat did get puked on and my knickers received little action besides scuffing against cupboards and stretching from food, but we had visitors.

I recently packed away my striped socks and sung the last jingle bells. Santa fled the coop yesterday and although I love him it was nice to have my house back to semi normal again. This time of year I was grateful to have my family with me. The beautiful people I include in the 'Shmills' and most of all my health.

As I get older I am reminded that I can no longer stay up late. I can no longer eat lots of treats without frequent use of the restroom and that eggnog can't be eaten alone for breakfast.

It is especially this time of year when green is donned and the stockings are hung with care that I realize my body has slowed down. I have to start earlier and earlier to prepare for that years festivities.

Talking with my beautiful Sister in Law (who has animal kids only at the moment) I mention that even though I am only 25 I feel like I am 40. That when I read Harper's Bazaar I relate more to the 30's style guide then the 20's.
"Well, you are closer to 30 then young 20's"

(GULP!!!)

and then I said I feel like I've aged way faster since having kids

"Well, kids do age you, but I don't think its 10 years"

(SIGH)

"I would say 5 years"

(SO I AM 30 ?????)

Oh brother call my vein, but seeing the wrinkles form under my eyes and the way my forehead creases I wonder what I will look like at 50!

This was an ephiphany I did not want to have.

I feel like I have been stuck in this weird "I don't know how to dress my age rut" for years.

I was married at 19 and would still shop in the juniors department at Nordstrom. And although I turned 20, 10 days later I still felt young.

I wore dress clothes for the next three years of my life and then was at home with a new little man and I felt I hit a midlife crisis. What do I wear? I am a mom, I don't want to be a frumpy one, but what the heck do I wear? I feel I am way too old for Abercrombie head to toe and jeans and ugg boots 24/7

After Having buggy and feeling older I feel even more confused. What is age appropriate when you are not young 20's but not yet middle 30's????

OYYY...... (by the way does anyone know what that means?)

So this Christmas I not only celebrated the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ, but the death of a salesman....wait thats not right.

The death of the young 20 year old Mariah.

I had of coarse culturally acceptable burning of the body inside the castle, but just before being killed I was saved by a little hobbit...wait thats not right.

Anyways. Now that my elf outfit is in storage what do I put on next? It is too early to be wearing my red heart teddy for Valentine's and I am too old for my footed pj's.

Suggestions?